Crawling Back To You
by butyouweregone
Summary: Edward and Jasper were friends once upon a time but fear and confusion split them apart. Now they have met again by chance and things become complicated for the both of them. J E/Slash. All known places and characters belong to their respective owners, the storyline is the only thing that is mine.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello there! This is a first story and I hope you enjoy it. Leave me reviews so I can hear you're thoughts! Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: All known characters and locations are not mine, the concept of this story however is my own. M for mature themes and future smut. Slash/AU. Jasper + Edward.**

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><p><em>~ And I sometimes reach to rub an aching leg, but they've been dust for over a decade and you're a limb I've lost but somehow I still feel it. ~<em>

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><p>The last time I saw Edward Cullen was at our high school graduation party. We kissed, he ran and I never saw him again. We met through our little sisters, Alice and Rose. In kindergarten Rose ran up to Edward and his little sister, she asked her if she could play dolls with her and Alice accepted, running off to join Rose.<p>

_I was left with a shocked looking Edward, his hair was an uneven mess, as if he hadn't bothered to brush it when he left bed, his eyes were the shade of the woods around Forks, and he looked like he had never seen sun. Not that I was much better, the blond curls didn't exactly help with not looking like a part of a boy band. _

"_Um... so... is she always like that?" He asked, his voice a rough around the edges._

"_Yeah, she's a little ball of energy," I replied, fond of the little girl who danced down the stairs in her pyjamas, as she got ready for her first day at a new school._

"_So… You're the new kid?" He asked, shoving his hands inside his coat pockets, it was cold here and I really wasn't used to the damn chill in the air. I liked the sun, but in this town, it seemed to have died on the border._

"_Yeah," I answered in a dead tone, more distracted by this kid's eyes than anything he was saying._

"_So you'd be starting at Forks High today?"_

"_In an hour, apparently."_

"_Cool." He answered before clearing his throat awkwardly, "Gotta go" He suddenly burst out and waved a hand and got into his stupid silver Volvo._

That seemed like a hundred years ago now that I think of it but it was really 15 years ago.

It was at Rose's business cocktail party that we saw each other again.

He was older, but his hair was still the same and his eyes were still bright, he was married. She was dark haired, gorgeous and it broke my heart. I sucked in a breath, feeling my chest tighten and my palms sweat. His pretty little wife held onto his arm and smiled adoringly up at him.

Rose grabbed my hand; I was her 'date' for the evening.

"Isn't that…?"

"Yep"

"And he's…?"

"Yep"

"Are you going to…?"

"Nope"

She nodded her head and squeezed my hand, she knew about Edward, I told her when she was old enough and not a six year old. She left me alone to say her hellos, after all, it was her office party and she was hoping for a promotion now that the office was being taken over by someone else.

"Hello, Jasper." I heard from behind me, I knew it was him, the way my name sounded on his lips made me want to cry but I swallowed hard and turned around. He was more beautiful close up and if I was some sort of emotional girl I would've probably ran like a firecracker was lit under my ass but I couldn't, so instead I forced a smile of recognition on my face and looked at him.

"Edward." I said shortly, fiddling with my tie, which was beyond a pain in the ass, but Rosalie insisted that I needed the tie. It was awkward to say the least.

"What are you doing here?"

"Being a supportive big brother, of course. It's Rose's… uh… thing" I stuttered out, pushing my worn and torn hands through my hair as I shifted from foot to foot.

"Ah... I guess I should reintroduce myself, seeing as I am her new boss."

My eyes widened, unintentionally. In addition, I had to swallow again, even harder than before.

"Figures..." I muttered as he excused himself and walked away. Grabbing a glass of champagne from the waiter walking around, I downed it and screwed my face up in disgust.

Who the actual fuck chooses to drink this shit, and why the fuck didn't they have beer?

I shook my head and made my way to the bathroom, I needed to splash some water on my face and clear my head because it felt like I had been hit in the face a thousand times over in the gut. I wanted to vomit.

I made it to the bathroom and splashed my face.

_Dressed in a suit, Edward and I sat on the park bench with bottles of beer, glum looks on our faces, my hair fell in front of my face, and I pushed it away with the hand that wasn't actually holding my second beer. I looked around, the woods lurked behind us and the party was raging in front of us but we were just us two. His friends were inside and mine… Well, my friend was my car, which I worked on daily, making my hands calloused and used. _

"_This is ending." He suddenly spoke, his voice solemn. I did not understand why he sounded so down, he was going to a great college to be an executive, and his parents supported him despite his father being a doctor._

_My parents wanted me to be something more than a filthy mechanic, they wanted me to find a beautiful wife, have some kids and be paid enough to have the house with a white picket fence and a dog._

_However, I did not want to have that, I wanted to be a mechanic, find a man who I loved and live within my means. I knew I was gay when I was 13 and began looking at boys the way I was supposed to be looking at girls, but having a big Christian family kind of made it difficult to say it._

"_Yeah, that was the entire point of graduation. Graduate and go do things with our lives… Well, at least you'll go do things with your life"_

"_Jas… Don't be an idiot."_

"_I'm being a realist."_

"_Another word for idiot."_

"_Shut up, Mr College." _

_We both erupted in chuckles, him spilling a bit of beer on his suit pants with the force of his laughter._

_I sucked in a breath of air, focused mainly on the grass in front of me._

_We had become friends a little after our sisters became friends, we didn't hang out much because at school he had a reputation to keep and I was not someone that you'd hang out with if you wanted to keep your reputation._

_However, every so often when our sister's got together we hung out._

_He told me everything, whereas I only listened._

_Unfortunately... I began to love him and he did not know a single thing about it._

_He looked at me from the park bench, his beer finished and sitting beside him. He leaned into me and his lips crashed into mine, they were warm and he tasted like apples. I was taken aback and it took me awhile to respond to him but eventually I did, my hands weaving through his messy hair._

_He pulled away after a few moments, his fingers flying to his lips and he staggered back._

"_I… I have to… Sorry…"_

_That was the last I saw of him._

Leaving the bathroom as I tried to straighten myself out but my tie was crooked, hair wet from the splash of cold bathroom tap water. I pulled off the tie, frustrated with that annoying piece of fabric. It fell to the floor and I could not bring myself to give a shit about it.

I noticed that there was a balcony to escape to and I took the opportunity as if my entire life depended on it, I needed a cigarette and it was bad enough that I had to go without one for so long.

I lit the cigarette and took the best drag I had ever had in my entire 32 years of life. The screen door slid open but I paid no attention, enjoying the smoke and clearing my thoughts of Edward and his trophy wife.

"You know smoking is a disgusting habit."

I rolled my eyes; it was a reflex more than an intentional move. I knew it was his voice and I shook my head, tossing the cigarette over the side as I turned myself around, resting against the balcony.

"Your face is disgusting"

"That was your response in high school too."

"Some things never change, obviously." I said curtly. "Did you die for the last 15 years or…?"

"I just got busy"

"Oh, sure. You just got busy. I tried to see you but your parents said you left! What the hell was that?!" I spat almost hysterically.

"Jas… I…"

"Save it, Cullen. I've had enough bullshit in my life without you adding to it"

I left the balcony in a huff, making my way toward Rosie; I kissed her cheek, made my apologies.

I took the car on Rose's insistence and with her assurance that she would get a ride with a friend.

And I practically fled like a raging psycho.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All known characters and locations are not mine, the concept of this story however is my own. M for mature themes and future smut. Slash/AU. Jasper + Edward. **

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><p><strong>Dear readers, I haven't been updating as my internet crashed but now it's back and I will hopefully update once every week or so. To the guest reviewer who got confused, italics are either dreams or flashbacks. Jasper was fondly thinking about how Rose would sing in her <strong>**pajamas before school. Thanks! Enjoy**

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><p><em>I dreamt about you nearly every night this week<em>_**. **_

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><p>It had been three days before he found me, I had no doubt in my mind that it was Rosalie who had given him my details, I kept getting unknown calls but I had an aversion to answering blocked calls due to having a not so friendly stalker a couple years ago.<p>

He found me at my work of all places, he and that still stupid silver Volvo drove into the garage, his stupid hair was in a stupid mess, and it was just really stupid.

Edward stepped out of the car, his frustration clear on his face, I had to snigger. It was obvious that he was frustrated that he had to drive all the way out here to get to me. I went into hiding under a beautiful 67 Chevy that had an oil leak, it was simple to fix but I would prefer to hide under the car if I was being perfectly honest.

"Jasper"

His voice sounded like velvet and I hated him for it. I pulled myself out from under the car and wiped off my hands, my curls were tied and slicked back, obviously that made him look twice.

Quirking a brow, I looked at him. "What do you want, Edward?"

"I want to ask you to coffee."

"I don't drink coffee," I lied blatantly; I drank it as if my life depended on the stuff and it was always straight. Well, that was the only thing straight about me.

"Liar. Rose told me."

"I hate her." I huffed, annoyed. "Fine, I'll be finished at 4."

"I'll come back then."

With a short nod of his head, he got back in his car, the sun hitting his wedding ring, which made it glint, and it made me feel an emotional kick to the gut. I worked as efficiently as I possibly could with Edward and his stupid face on my mind. I fixed the beauty of a Chevy and the owners came by to grab her, one looking like a giant and the other looking like a Ken doll.

I waited for Edward after I closed down the garage and changed, nerves wreaking havoc throughout my entire body, making me jumpy and just downright uncomfortable. He was on time, meticulously on time as always whereas I prided myself in being fashionably late. He smiled at me and my insides did a strange twist and jump which I was tempted to replicate with my own body but I resisted to urge to look like a complete idiot in front of him, for now.

My bike was parked near garage, her blazing red body gleaming in the afternoon sun. As I got into Edward's car I told him that after he would need to take me back here so I could ride home, he agreed with a little nod of his head and began to drive.

That was when I really began to notice him, times had not taken so much of a toll on him but underneath his eyes were dark, as if he had not slept in a few days and his hair was unwashed, his lips were pressed into a thin, thoughtful line and his eyes focused on the road ahead of him. His pale hands were wrapped around the steering wheel. He was beautiful and I was royally fucked.

"Edward…?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you doing this?"

He didn't answer, instead he turned into a street and parked near a train station, the train roared and he waited until then before he spoke.

"After that party I went home, the entire night I tossed and turned but the next day I was off to college and I decided to not do anything about it. I ignored the situation because it was easier than facing it. I met Bella, we got married and had a baby, but she died three months ago at three years old, we haven't been the same since."

I sucked in a deep breath, finding this entire thing a head spin but I let him speak, feeling that he needed to get this stuff out.

"I buried my feelings deep inside myself and shut it all out because it was easy. When I saw you, at that party, something inside me blew up and it hasn't gone away. My point is that my buried emotions have come back now and I'm being forced to face it."

My head spun. How the actual fuck could I be mad at this fucker when he just poured his heart out to me in his stupid silver Volvo? Ah, fuck me and my dog.

"Edward, I…I get this is hard for you but why are you doing this now? You had 15 years, dammit!"

"I know… I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Please just tell me what you want."

"I am not sure, but I don't want to let you go again."

"You're married and supposedly straight!"

"I know… but."

"No buts! I cannot deal with that shit. I'm sorry your life has been hard but mine isn't a piece of cake either, you pick up your shit and get on with it because life doesn't wait for you to grow some balls!" I began to yell, although I didn't notice it while I was doing it.

And that's when I noticed a tear running down Edward's cheek.

Ah, fuck. I made him cry. That is just fucking excellent. I am going to hell. That is it. Hasta La Vista, baby.

I put my arm around his shoulder and he leaned into me, without a single word.

We never did make it out to coffee.

He dropped me off after a while, we didn't speak a word to each other the entire ride, I could see his pale cheeks flushed pink and he had put sunglasses on. He grabbed my phone from my pocket and put in his number, which I didn't protest to for some reason which was unknown to conscious half of me.

When I got home I was spent, throwing my leather jacket over the arm of the couch and sighing as I threw myself onto it.

_Beep Beep _

My message tone rang high and clear, I groaned as I reached into my jacket for it, knocking the jacket off the couch with the movement.

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><p><strong>Edward<strong>

_I hope you got home safe – Edward_

_Sent 7:56 PM. 27/11/14_

**Jasper**

_Got home fine, thanks._

_Sent 7:57 PM. 27/11/14_

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><p>And I got nothing after that for the entire night.<p>

_The woods were dark and cold, the wind hit Jasper's naked skin and caused him to shiver. He wandered through the woods with a frightened look on his features, blond hair curled and untidy, his bright blue eyes were wide and confused. The wolf came over the rocks, his teeth bared and and blood matted through his muzzle, he growled and Jasper flinched. The wolf lunged for him and Jasper prepared for certain death._

_Instead the wolf leapt to his side and nuzzled at his legs, Jasper's heart rate immediately calmed and he felt one with the wolf._

_In front of them lay a tiger, crouched and waiting to pounce. Green eyes blazing with want and lust, behind the crouching tiger was Edward, his own body bare and his lips curved into a blissful smirk._

_The wolf lunged and the tiger pounced, they collided in a storm so powerful the thunder shook the ground._

I woke with a start, covered in a cold sweat and screaming soundlessly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All known characters and locations are not mine, the concept of this story however is my own. M for mature themes and future smut. Slash/AU. Jasper + Edward. I gave you two in one day, hope I am forgiven!**

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><p><em>~ I don't know how you got into me, down my throat, and made a hole in my veins. ~<em>

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><p>I groaned, the man beneath me clenching the sheets between his fingers. Little moans left his bitten lips as he neared climax, his legs wrapped around me. He was warm, yes. He was tight, yes. He made delightful pleasurable sounds with each thrust, grasp and tug but he was not who I wished to be buried in. I didn't ask for his name, a random pick up that was nothing.<p>

He was done, and he left looking pretty damn happy. I lit a cigarette, sitting beside the window as I inhaled. Edward was in my mind, dancing there in front of me just out of my reach. It frustrated me to no end that he was at home, probably screwing his wife and making beautiful sounds that he should be making because of me not because of her mouldy cunt.

I got up and fixed myself a sandwich, all that exercise worked up an appetite and my stomach was growling. My phone began to blare just before I put the BLT sandwich in my mouth.

"Fucking fucking asshole motherfucker!" I stamped my foot like a child and picked it up without checking the number.

"Hello?"

"Jasper?"

"Edward?"

"Uh… Yeah… it's me. Can we meet? I'll come to you"

I sighed, deep down in my gut I knew this was not a good idea, and my gut was always right. He sounded so wounded, so hurt and I wanted to kiss the sadness out of him. Nevertheless, I couldn't, he wasn't mine to lick his wounds and kiss them better.

"Okay…"

I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, upon intense reflection I realised what I was doing. I was in love with Edward, I had always been in love with him and for the entire ride, I had tried to fill the hole he left with meaningless men who spilled delicious poison from their lips.

Jacob had been the strongest and deadliest poison that ever got into me.

He was strong, a God amongst men. I had idolised him even after he had broken my jaw in three places. I had crawled along floors with split lips and bleeding noses to get myself free but I seemed to always go back.

Until the one day, I got some strength.

_Rosalie sat on the leather couch, her delicate hands clutching her cup of tea as she took shaky sips, she watched me through her bright blue eyes, she was terrified and I could see it in her face. Earlier she had barged into Jacob's and me apartment, he had gone to work and I was nursing a black eye. She made herself a cup of earl grey and me a camomile despite my protest._

"_You have to leave, Jasper."_

"_I know." I admitted with a heavy sigh. He had always promised that it was an accident and he would not do it again but every single time was the same and I had become certain that behind his charming smile and teddy bear eyes, he was evil and it was me who was in his clutches._

_I had packed a bag as fast as I possibly could that night, knowing that if I was caught that I would surely be dead. He had threated it before; if I were to leave, he would find me and kill me. The bag had one change of clothes, underwear and cash I had been stowing away as often as I could._

_And I had left._

_I spent two weeks in a men's shelter, terrified. Sleeping with fear in my stomach and one eye open. I was broke and I had nothing. I didn't contact my parents, they had disowned me when they found out I was gay. I didn't tell Rose, I knew if she knew that Jacob would go after her. _

_I slowly rebuilt my life in another city with Rosie, after I had called her up to let her know where I was. She got me and we moved._

_It took a long time but I was okay eventually, and after that, I refused to ever let myself be under another's control. _

The doorbell rang, pulling me from my thoughts with a rude ring. I got up and opened the door; Edward's face looked at me, his eyes broken.

"Hi..."

"Come in..." I said softly, stepping aside to let him in. He sat on the couch and I quickly got a big glass of water for him.

"So…" I began, watching him swallow his drink and run his hand through his hair.

"Bella and I fought. She was screaming and throwing things, crying and I couldn't control her. She said it was my fault our baby died because I wasn't there for her." He croaked and his hands shook.

I listened with my mouth closed, not saying a single word until he was done getting it all out. He talked for a good twenty minutes before I could get a word in.

"Edward, I don't believe you had any part in her death.. It was not your fault." I said as sternly as I possibly could.

He nodded and took a deep breath then he moved and came closer to me, he kissed me. I felt his warm lips against my own and instantly responded, he straddled me and growled into my mouth, I was shocked to say the least. This Edward was fierce, he knew what he wanted and he took it, the Edward I was speaking to before had been weak, a wounded puppy.

He rocked his hips against me, making me gasp. We kissed for what could've been half an hour but I wasn't sure. Everything went by so quickly.

We shed clothes as quickly as we could, out of minds with lust on his part, maybe love on my own.

I was screwed so much I could not see straight. When his fingers weaved through my hair and pulled, I hissed and almost came at the moment.

OH FUCK!

I tilted my head and gasped as he bit my nipple and tugged it in his warm mouth.

"Stop… Edward! Stop… We can't"

He groaned and rested his head against my bare, rising and falling rapidly, chest. We lay there for a while, tangled up with each other, naked and weak.

"I wanted to..."

"You're married... We can't"

"Fuck..."

"Go home, Edward..." I whispered, even though every single part of me wanted to beg him to stay the night.

He got up and dressed himself, straightening out his clothes and leaving but not before whispering.

"I… Sorry, Jasper."

After he left I cried, I downright sobbed into the couch.

Everything had gotten so damn fucked and I did not know what else I was supposed to do now that this night had happened.


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